Dearest Norma,
You and me, we love the same people with an unmatched ferocity. Differing perspectives, but love unmatched, nonetheless. Often we are perfectly agreeable in our opinions and views of the world, but often times we are not. You have that grandmother view, while I'm still full on mommy vision. You are one of the first people I call when I'm in need, angry, sick, or any combination of the aforementioned, and you are one of the first to irritate me when we disagree.
If I never saw another peppermint, I'd be fine with that. McDonald's every time you watch the kids...grrr. Dipping a serving of dessert big enough for a rhino for a child whose tummy is the size of an orange, please!! Shows we don't allow and bedtimes later than we prefer...
But you know what, none of that really matters. Not really.
Today you went to the ER with chest pain. Tonight, you are 'sleeping the night' with an IV hooked up, monitors beeping and nurses running labs every few hours. Oh, what I would give to have you pop up the drive to give these kids a peppermint!
I'm quite certain you will be fine. They haven't figured out what's causing your pain yet, but you are a tough cookie. You are the one we all call...for everything. You're Mimi, for heavens sake. You've got to dust your boots off and get ready for the next big get together. Fried chicken, right?
You didn't call anyone when you were in pain this morning. I happened upon that, actually because I called for something I needed. But I could hear it in your voice. Turns out, you need us as much as we need you. And I'm glad for that.
It's funny, tonight, as I think of the things that frustrate me, they are the exact things our kids will remember with such fondness someday when they are grown. Oh, I'm sure they will still frustrate me, but understand, beneath it all, you are Mimi to them, and Mother (in-law) to me. You are irreplaceable. So, take a rest. Know that we love you. And bring these kids a peppermint tomorrow!!
With love,
Julia
Friday, April 29, 2016
Friday, April 22, 2016
Our State of Confusion
Ok Target. You have made your stand. I'm not exactly sure why you've made this decision, but you have. Maybe I'm wrong, but if I were to guess, I'd think the majority of your store traffic is moms, many with young kids in tow, as I am, nearly every time I enter your doors. Who knows what, if any, backlash you will face, but I have this idea, I'm not the only mom/woman (by birth) who is questioning whether or not I'll come back. Is that worth it to you? To lose the business of your biggest fans? I guess it is, because here we are.
At first, my only concern was for my kids. They don't need to be exposed to gender confusion at their age. And before you bash me for 'hating on transgender people', or 'being a bigot', understand I'm neither. I have no reason to hate others for their choices, but I have have a greater responsibility to my kids, whom I love dearly, to protect them from things I find inappropriate, or harmful. It seems this should be a societal norm, but for some reason it's not, because you have failed to consider them in this decision. There is no good explanation as a parent that I can give them for why a man is in the women's restroom, or a woman in the man's. And, the more I consider it, and my husband weighs in on my thoughts, the more I see I'm also concerned for myself, and the other women wishing to relieve themselves in private.
Before I make anyone too mad, I realize that most of the transgender individuals who utilize the bathroom of their choosing, instead of the bathroom of their birth gender, are harmless. They have no desire to do anything more than the in and out necessity of the job. But people, for the love of obviousness, you have to see how you've opened the door for ANY man to use the woman's restroom, since you sure can't deny the right to anyone. And lets not forget the men! What will we do when teenage girls use the men's room. Now our husbands, fathers, and sons will be exposed to girls, completely against thier will, and we call that ok? And what about when one of those girls accuses a man of exposing himself to her? Or 'checking her out'? Or worse? What if that man did nothing more than pee? What if he did assault her? Who will you believe? You've made it ok for the situation to even be a possibility! And I can't even imagine what my 90 year old Grandmother will think, or say for that matter, the first time she walks in to your bathroom and sees a man standing there. For heavens sake.
So, now the questions stands, who's next? I can steer clear of Target, and will as much as I hate to, but what happens when the next big chains follow suit? When the mall, or our local restaurants decide this is acceptable? Are we to avoid every place that supports this infringement on our rights? I don't see how. So what's the answer? And spare me your nonsense about how slight of a chance this may be, that someone with ill intentions would ever use a public restroom to carry out these acts. Check out the statistics on sex crimes against women and children, and now you've given them a private place where dropping our britches is why we are in there in the first place! Where is my protection? Will you post guards, or camera's, in your bathrooms to ensure nothing like this goes on? Am I just to hope, each time I use the bathroom, that this is not the time someone in my family becomes a statistic? Come on people. Where's the common sense?
I'm so discouraged by the direction this whole movement is taking, and not because I hate anyone, but because I wonder where, or if, we will draw the line?
At first, my only concern was for my kids. They don't need to be exposed to gender confusion at their age. And before you bash me for 'hating on transgender people', or 'being a bigot', understand I'm neither. I have no reason to hate others for their choices, but I have have a greater responsibility to my kids, whom I love dearly, to protect them from things I find inappropriate, or harmful. It seems this should be a societal norm, but for some reason it's not, because you have failed to consider them in this decision. There is no good explanation as a parent that I can give them for why a man is in the women's restroom, or a woman in the man's. And, the more I consider it, and my husband weighs in on my thoughts, the more I see I'm also concerned for myself, and the other women wishing to relieve themselves in private.
Before I make anyone too mad, I realize that most of the transgender individuals who utilize the bathroom of their choosing, instead of the bathroom of their birth gender, are harmless. They have no desire to do anything more than the in and out necessity of the job. But people, for the love of obviousness, you have to see how you've opened the door for ANY man to use the woman's restroom, since you sure can't deny the right to anyone. And lets not forget the men! What will we do when teenage girls use the men's room. Now our husbands, fathers, and sons will be exposed to girls, completely against thier will, and we call that ok? And what about when one of those girls accuses a man of exposing himself to her? Or 'checking her out'? Or worse? What if that man did nothing more than pee? What if he did assault her? Who will you believe? You've made it ok for the situation to even be a possibility! And I can't even imagine what my 90 year old Grandmother will think, or say for that matter, the first time she walks in to your bathroom and sees a man standing there. For heavens sake.
So, now the questions stands, who's next? I can steer clear of Target, and will as much as I hate to, but what happens when the next big chains follow suit? When the mall, or our local restaurants decide this is acceptable? Are we to avoid every place that supports this infringement on our rights? I don't see how. So what's the answer? And spare me your nonsense about how slight of a chance this may be, that someone with ill intentions would ever use a public restroom to carry out these acts. Check out the statistics on sex crimes against women and children, and now you've given them a private place where dropping our britches is why we are in there in the first place! Where is my protection? Will you post guards, or camera's, in your bathrooms to ensure nothing like this goes on? Am I just to hope, each time I use the bathroom, that this is not the time someone in my family becomes a statistic? Come on people. Where's the common sense?
I'm so discouraged by the direction this whole movement is taking, and not because I hate anyone, but because I wonder where, or if, we will draw the line?
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Big Little Changes
Something is happening around here. Something beautiful, subtly amazing, natural and so, so sad. It happens to the best of us parents. It's completely the order of things and we would be dreadfully worried and disappointed if it didn't happen. But even still, the realization of it grips at my heart, brings a tear to my eyes, and makes me so, so sad.
My babies aren't babies anymore. The hashtags accompany the posts of most of my mommy friends almost daily, #wherehasthetimegone, #timestandstill, and one of my favorites, #babiesdontkeep. FB memories put it in our face daily, and this truth is a reality for us all. They are growing at an alarming rate and won't stop, no matter my pleads for them to hover at these amazing stages just a little longer.
There was a time I thought Elijah would never leave the arms of his milk producing momma. But he did, in fact, quit nursing after 15 months of near constant attachment (insert tear streaked cheeks). I knew with grave certainty we would go broke having three, or more, kids in diapers or pull-ups for forever but now we are down to our final diaper clad kid, and can finally see, the day will come when we won't buy any more! I never thought I'd carry a purse again, I double dutied the diaper bag for so long, but I carry a purse about half the time now....it's been a slow, sometimes scary transition back to the world of 'I don't have rash cream, extra clothes, snacks, or any other diaper bag emergency contingency stashed here on my arm' kind of mom. Butt's wiped in this house by me, at one point in time were increased by four...I wondered what I would do with all the spare time I'd gain by only having one, once again. Now, butt's wiped by me are down by two....spare time is spent asking if they did a good job wiping, did they flush and did they wash their hands, so no real gain there, other than independence is a small step closer for them. Nap time, sacred nap time, I thought I'd have that two hours a day, every day. I still get some quiet during nap while the two littles rest, but the big boys now use the time to read, do homework, puzzles, occasionally nap, or head outside. It's not the total silence I had grown accustomed to, but we're working it out and they are learning the value of a little quiet and alone time. We have cut teeth in our house nonstop for the last seven years. Seven years without a break! Alas, we are still cutting 2 and 4 year old molars but are also now on the daily quest of searching for loose teeth.We should have bought stock in children's tylenol and orajel!
These are just a few of the basic, fairly surface bits of my day that are shifting.
This list is endless, as most of you well know, but these crazy things are afoot up in our hacienda, and they prepare the stage for my heart as, daily, I see how they are growing and changing and moving baby steps away from needing mommy around every turn and instead, are little boys and baby girls becoming young men and little ladies. With their growing confidence, and knowledge of the world around them, they are learning to move beyond what keeps them comfortable and reaching for that next step. It does my heart well when Elijah still calls for me to 'watch what he can do', or Timothy still needs a hug from his me when he gets hurt, or when a tired Mason still wants to sit and snuggle and a sad Sophia just needs her mommy. They aren't grown yet, but I've seen this change in all of them over the last few months, and it has me reminiscing about the days I chased three boys in diapers up the stairs for nap, nursed one, rocked all three and shushed them to sleep so as to not wake their baby sister.
You know, I don't rock anyone to sleep any more? I might have internally scoffed just a little when a teacher I worked with when Timothy first came to us said, "Rock him every chance you get, for as long as you can." She said the day will come when you will want to and he will be too big. I've rocked for nearly seven years and now that it has all but stopped in the last few months, I see she was right. My, what I wouldn't give to hear their heavy breath by my ear as they fall asleep on my shoulder, but their long gangly bodies no longer allow it, even if they did. SoSo could but is on such a big girl kick right now, she just wants to get in bed like brothers do, get her snuggle time and go to sleep. It's the unfair nature of the beast, that in the midst, we often feel it will never end, until it does, then we wonder where the time went.
Make no mistake, I am enjoying these years home with my littles, tending their every need and witnessing every milestone, and I know the job is nowhere near done. They are still very much babies in so many ways. It's just a stop and smell the roses, kind of realization when you look around and reflect on the changes. They are little, but oh so big in their world, and in mine as I cheer them on, guide them, correct them, and still hold them tight as I can, when they let me.
My babies aren't babies anymore. The hashtags accompany the posts of most of my mommy friends almost daily, #wherehasthetimegone, #timestandstill, and one of my favorites, #babiesdontkeep. FB memories put it in our face daily, and this truth is a reality for us all. They are growing at an alarming rate and won't stop, no matter my pleads for them to hover at these amazing stages just a little longer.
There was a time I thought Elijah would never leave the arms of his milk producing momma. But he did, in fact, quit nursing after 15 months of near constant attachment (insert tear streaked cheeks). I knew with grave certainty we would go broke having three, or more, kids in diapers or pull-ups for forever but now we are down to our final diaper clad kid, and can finally see, the day will come when we won't buy any more! I never thought I'd carry a purse again, I double dutied the diaper bag for so long, but I carry a purse about half the time now....it's been a slow, sometimes scary transition back to the world of 'I don't have rash cream, extra clothes, snacks, or any other diaper bag emergency contingency stashed here on my arm' kind of mom. Butt's wiped in this house by me, at one point in time were increased by four...I wondered what I would do with all the spare time I'd gain by only having one, once again. Now, butt's wiped by me are down by two....spare time is spent asking if they did a good job wiping, did they flush and did they wash their hands, so no real gain there, other than independence is a small step closer for them. Nap time, sacred nap time, I thought I'd have that two hours a day, every day. I still get some quiet during nap while the two littles rest, but the big boys now use the time to read, do homework, puzzles, occasionally nap, or head outside. It's not the total silence I had grown accustomed to, but we're working it out and they are learning the value of a little quiet and alone time. We have cut teeth in our house nonstop for the last seven years. Seven years without a break! Alas, we are still cutting 2 and 4 year old molars but are also now on the daily quest of searching for loose teeth.We should have bought stock in children's tylenol and orajel!
These are just a few of the basic, fairly surface bits of my day that are shifting.
This list is endless, as most of you well know, but these crazy things are afoot up in our hacienda, and they prepare the stage for my heart as, daily, I see how they are growing and changing and moving baby steps away from needing mommy around every turn and instead, are little boys and baby girls becoming young men and little ladies. With their growing confidence, and knowledge of the world around them, they are learning to move beyond what keeps them comfortable and reaching for that next step. It does my heart well when Elijah still calls for me to 'watch what he can do', or Timothy still needs a hug from his me when he gets hurt, or when a tired Mason still wants to sit and snuggle and a sad Sophia just needs her mommy. They aren't grown yet, but I've seen this change in all of them over the last few months, and it has me reminiscing about the days I chased three boys in diapers up the stairs for nap, nursed one, rocked all three and shushed them to sleep so as to not wake their baby sister.
Make no mistake, I am enjoying these years home with my littles, tending their every need and witnessing every milestone, and I know the job is nowhere near done. They are still very much babies in so many ways. It's just a stop and smell the roses, kind of realization when you look around and reflect on the changes. They are little, but oh so big in their world, and in mine as I cheer them on, guide them, correct them, and still hold them tight as I can, when they let me.
Friday, April 8, 2016
My Life
I recently mentioned in a blog post about an upcoming surgery I was having and some trepidation I was feeling about the procedure, recovery and the general 'ugh-ness' of it all. Well, said surgery was ten days ago. I survived it, and only passed out one time while getting the IV. Why, medical types, must you 'talk' about how nice my veins are? Just be efficient, effective, kind, successful the first time, and be on your way. Don't talk tenderly to my arms, as you pat and rub, trying to find just the right spot, commenting over and over how great this is going to be with veins like these. Gasp. Out I go, every time. No matter how hard I try, out cold.
The procedure went well...a little longer than planned, but all good. And they didn't even have to interrupt my pacemaker, which was good news to me. Coming out of anesthesia only took ten hours, but eventually I did, and made it home no issue the next day. Recovery is slow, but it is happening, as the air pumped in my tummy moves, dissipates and releases, and the incisions heal. I am still moving very slow, can't bend, lift or twist, body is aching and my insides are sore.
But amid all this fun happening with my body, I've noticed a few things about my life that I'm, somewhat, unable to participate in right now. Nothing totally new, or earth shattering, but things I've seen from the couch that probably go unnoticed more often then they should. I have a great thing going here. An amazing thing really. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and our kids, who will jump right in and handle 'mom' duties, tend to me when I need help and still get the trash to the end of the drive with four little, jammy clad helpers. He might not have kept their dressers as organized as I do, and three days worth of clothes were strewn about their bedroom floors the first time I made it up, but they were dressed, fed, bathed, princess' hair was combed (ouch!), and no one suffered for the messy floors or dressers.
My boys, they are surprisingly nurturing little guys. They brought me woo-woos, pillows, gave me gentle side hugs, worried when I winced and asked if I was ok with every cough. They were quick to help if I dropped something and sweet enough to tell me they missed my bedtime snuggles. I love the little men they are becoming. They play with the toy kitchen and food and prepare 'sick soup', as naturally as they become super heroes charging through the house and out the door fighting bad guys. Their imaginations are active, they are smart and kind, and I love them.
My girl. She is becoming the rottenest one in the house. She is independant and stubborn, and almost everything she does that we try to help her with, is quickly followed by, "No, me!", or "I do it!". Normally, when I am immersed in my day, this can be very frustrating, even annoying, as it usually slows me down to let her work through things on her own, but these days as an observer of my life, I find it fascinating to watch this little bitty girl, smaller than many half her age, struggle to learn new things, accomplish new tasks, and be slowed by nothing, as she spends her days keeping up with, and holding her own against, her brothers. I have watched her with her babies as she feeds them, talks to them about their behavior or the day ahead, rocks and sings them to sleep, tucks them in and whispers her love to them. It may be the greatest compliment to a mother, to watch her daughter act out her role. (Or perhaps otherwise....thankfully I haven't seen her act out my not so positive maternal traits yet!) I love watching her. I love when she brings her baby to sit next to me, pats my leg and tells me how much she loves me. Having a daughter is like a mini mirror, God's challenge and gift to us moms.
I have had several 'down' days to ponder this fast moving life I lead and find myself thinking about life before them, then the flood of love that entered my life with the arrival of each of them. I know, in the trenches, it's hard to slow down and appreciate the details, but I hope the reminder I've had during this recovery, helps me to pause long enough to enjoy these moments along the way. These days are going so fast. They grow and change over night and when the sun comes up each day, I want to say, "I was there, I saw it all, and it was amazing."
The procedure went well...a little longer than planned, but all good. And they didn't even have to interrupt my pacemaker, which was good news to me. Coming out of anesthesia only took ten hours, but eventually I did, and made it home no issue the next day. Recovery is slow, but it is happening, as the air pumped in my tummy moves, dissipates and releases, and the incisions heal. I am still moving very slow, can't bend, lift or twist, body is aching and my insides are sore.
But amid all this fun happening with my body, I've noticed a few things about my life that I'm, somewhat, unable to participate in right now. Nothing totally new, or earth shattering, but things I've seen from the couch that probably go unnoticed more often then they should. I have a great thing going here. An amazing thing really. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and our kids, who will jump right in and handle 'mom' duties, tend to me when I need help and still get the trash to the end of the drive with four little, jammy clad helpers. He might not have kept their dressers as organized as I do, and three days worth of clothes were strewn about their bedroom floors the first time I made it up, but they were dressed, fed, bathed, princess' hair was combed (ouch!), and no one suffered for the messy floors or dressers.
My boys, they are surprisingly nurturing little guys. They brought me woo-woos, pillows, gave me gentle side hugs, worried when I winced and asked if I was ok with every cough. They were quick to help if I dropped something and sweet enough to tell me they missed my bedtime snuggles. I love the little men they are becoming. They play with the toy kitchen and food and prepare 'sick soup', as naturally as they become super heroes charging through the house and out the door fighting bad guys. Their imaginations are active, they are smart and kind, and I love them.
My girl. She is becoming the rottenest one in the house. She is independant and stubborn, and almost everything she does that we try to help her with, is quickly followed by, "No, me!", or "I do it!". Normally, when I am immersed in my day, this can be very frustrating, even annoying, as it usually slows me down to let her work through things on her own, but these days as an observer of my life, I find it fascinating to watch this little bitty girl, smaller than many half her age, struggle to learn new things, accomplish new tasks, and be slowed by nothing, as she spends her days keeping up with, and holding her own against, her brothers. I have watched her with her babies as she feeds them, talks to them about their behavior or the day ahead, rocks and sings them to sleep, tucks them in and whispers her love to them. It may be the greatest compliment to a mother, to watch her daughter act out her role. (Or perhaps otherwise....thankfully I haven't seen her act out my not so positive maternal traits yet!) I love watching her. I love when she brings her baby to sit next to me, pats my leg and tells me how much she loves me. Having a daughter is like a mini mirror, God's challenge and gift to us moms.
I have had several 'down' days to ponder this fast moving life I lead and find myself thinking about life before them, then the flood of love that entered my life with the arrival of each of them. I know, in the trenches, it's hard to slow down and appreciate the details, but I hope the reminder I've had during this recovery, helps me to pause long enough to enjoy these moments along the way. These days are going so fast. They grow and change over night and when the sun comes up each day, I want to say, "I was there, I saw it all, and it was amazing."
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