Through the Eyes of Generations

My Mom just turned 65 this past week while she was here visiting from Oklahoma. We had her homemade lasagna dinner, complete with caesar salad and garlic bread, topped off with a lemon birthday cake. It was wonderfully delicious! The boys ate seconds, cake was topped with candles, Happy Birthday was sang with gusto and a few small gifts were opened. It was nice to spend mom's birthday with her....I'm not sure I can remember the last time we did and the fact her mom, my Gram, was here, made it all the more special.

After dinner, Scott took the kids upstairs for bath and bed prep...teeth, hair, tickles...the usual, while Gram, Mom and I sat with a glass of wine visiting a few minutes after dinner telling, or rather, listening, to Gram tell stories. I asked Gram if she could believe her daughter was 65, to which she responded with a mild grunt and heavy sigh, "Well, yes, it was a long time ago. Just wait until your boys turn 65, then you'll see." (Just a side note....I will be 98 when my oldest turns 65, compared to Gram who is 89!) From there, the conversation turned to the time of my mom's birth. Holy cow, we've come a LONG way in the area of child birth in the last 65 years!

She was telling us that when she had her two kids, my mom and uncle, that they put her to sleep, totally out! She says she still has no idea how my mom came out but that my uncle was 'an instrument baby'. Versus my experience of totally aware, no drugs at all, this blows my mind! But from there it got so funny.....she said they wouldn't allow women to go home until they pooped and there was only one communal bathroom at the end of the hall. Every morning, about the same time, she said the carts would come, similar to the meal carts that bring food nowadays, but this was a cart of bed pans. She said you could hear them rattling down the hall and you knew it was time...imagine, a scheduled bathroom break for an entire floor of new mothers! To make this situation worse, if you didn't, or hadn't pooped, you got an enema then had to shuffle to the end of the hall and wait in line at the bathroom! Many didn't make it in time... Can you imagine?! She lied and told them she'd done her business because there was no way she was going to try to shuffle and hold it!

Mom and I were in stiches! I can only imagine what my Gram was like in those days, young and spry...lying her way out of the maternity ward to avoid the community pooping hour. But to hear her tell it now, 65 years later, at the age of 89, tiny and frail, laughing to the sound of her own story, pounding the table with her fist of indignation at the thought of shuffling with all those women, cheeks squeezed, praying they, and the women next to them, made it.....well, it was priceless.

These moments are rare, but amid them I can see 3 generations of imperfect mothers who have done, and are still doing, the best they can in each moment. I'm thankful for the example and love of both of these women. That they can laugh at the end of the day, about the moments we've survived, is a gift and a legacy.

Gram, Julia, Momma

First three months of 2012



Scott says "too many pictures and not enough stories", but trying to write about every day life, 3 years ago is tough! Since remembering those days though pictures is a bit easier for me, I will attempt to capture some highlights of the year 2012 this way, while we wait on an important court date that will allow me to tell the rest of our adoption journey!

January brought with it, new OU hats for Timothy and Mason, fever for Mason, who opted for snuggles in mommy and daddy's bed, and a visit from family for the celebration.



Grandpa and Elijah--LOVE

T and M sporting OU gear

Poor baby.






















February, I began making my own baby food, which I loved! Elijah was a wonderful guinea pig, because he loved everything! Except potatoes.....the boy would NOT (and still won't) eat a potato. Timothy had a trip to the dentist, and our sweet Mason turned 2!! What a wonderful two years it had been with this little man! (I turned, 28, I think, but there's no photographic proof of that!)

Baby bullet is awesome!

Such a good patient.

Happy Birthday!

Here's a Facebook post I made March 1st, almost 3 years ago, just after Mason turned 2: 

Mornings with May-May: After a loud and drawn out "Momma" comes the flopping about in protest of begining his morning (I so get this!) followed by curling his whole self up on his pillow...cute! When he sees I'm still waiting he throws himself to the other end of his crib on top of his stuffed animals, face first. He then hands them to me one by one, first penquin, then turtle, then woo, then sheep...for hugs and kisses. Then and only then will he give in to being removed from his sacred sleeping place. What a life...lovin every minute of it!

sweet snuggly boy

March brought warmer weather and tons of outside time, playing, building fence, or at least digging a hole for little boys to play in!! It also brought a trip to the surgical center for ear tubes for Eli, learning to hit off a tee for the big boys and porch sitting with Great Gram.

Mason and Timothy

Elijah

Smiles after tubes

"I'm just resting"








Daddy learning Mason

Eli with Great Gram

An amazing gift during this season of life, is what great friends they became. Mason and Timothy had become pretty cute playmates, and now they had a little brother who was really wanting to keep up, keep their attention and join in the fun. I'm thankful for the moments of sweet snuggles and shows of affection between them, because with this stage also came intense toddler rules of possession. You know, if it was, is, or ever will be in my grasp, then it's mine. So, we're wondering when this stage ends....three years later and we're still kinda there! "I looked at that yesterday, it's MINE!" But I digress.....these were special days that make for wonderful memories.



These Moments...

About two and a half years ago, when Timothy was almost 4, he discovered my boobs, or, big mountains, as he called them. We were sitting on his bed saying bedtime prayers, he was on my lap facing me, when, apparently out of the blue, he felt 'hills'. I lost it. Laughed so hard I cried which, first upset him, then got him laughing in hysterics loud enough to make daddy pop in and ask what was going on. Through my laughter and tears I managed to say, "He called my boobs 'big'!" Timothy said, "No mom! Dad look, like hills for my trucks!" (Complete with sound effects) And now Scott was rolling!

Other than my months of pregnancy and nursing, I have never been accused of having big boobs, so this just about made my day! Of course, following this episode came the talks about why we don't touch boobs, or try to look down shirts, so, that was fun!

Then this morning, Mason, who is almost 5, was sitting on my lap just as Timothy was a couple years ago. We were having morning snuggles and talking about school before the day began when he brought his hands from around my back, under my arms and happened upon "them". Just as they had Timothy two years ago, for some reason they caught his attention for the first time. He said, "Mommy, your tummy is getting big." Trying to hide my chuckle while sliding his hands down to my tummy, I said, "May May, that's not mommy's tummy. Mommy's tummy is down here." He insistently stated, "No mom, your top tummy! I think you might be getting a baby in there again. Babies come from tummies, you know."

It's a delicate balance, I think, between not freaking out and making them feel bad, but also, not allowing them to linger on the topic. Personally, both times, I found it so funny partly because they were both so surprised at their discovery, and because both called them big! So, I held him, laughing, thinking what wonderful moments these are. So innocent. So sweet. So hysterical.... The thorns will come, but this was a rose to start my day.

Moving into 2012

It's a little funny, because we spent over 2 years hoping, praying, trying not to fret over, worrying...all about whether or not this would work out as we hoped it would, as we knew was best for the boys, and how we felt God was leading us. Once it was final and we left the building as an official family, we were a little shocked that there was no parade, no fanfare or angels singing. Just us, our little family of 5 walking back to the van, wondering if they would even remember this day. We celebrated, of course, and had momentary reality checks over the next few days and weeks. But now that calls and visits from social workers had stopped and paperwork was done at schools and doctors offices to make the name change, we were able to move forward, forever grateful for the journey, and the blessings that came with the challenges. While there may be questions or challenges ahead, as is sometimes the case with adoption, they weren't going anywhere and we settled deeper into the family we had become, which was always loud, always busy and always tons of fun.

Baby kisses with Elijah

And now we shop at Sams!

Timothy

On a run with Eli and Mason

Over the course of 2 years and 3 months, we had shared pieces of our story with so many in different areas of our life. People we worked with when Timothy first showed up, those Scott now worked with, our families (most of mine was in Oklahoma), our church family, and friends from all over, but very, very few knew the whole story. So, in January of 2012, we had an adoption celebration at our church, inviting everyone who had loved and prayed for us during our journey to that point in time. My family was able to make it to town from Oklahoma which was especially nice because several of them had not yet met Elijah. It was a wonderful time of visiting and the celebration allowed us to share, not just what the journey had been like, but how blessed we had been by the genuine love that had surrounded us by so many.

Cousins, Rebecca and Timothy

Mason with Grandpa. Perfect fit.

Cousins Zachary and Elijah with
Uncle James.

Now it was time for the deep breath, now we were just a family, now I was just the wife of my best friend and mom to our 3 boys, having the time of my life. From teaching the ABC's to temper tantrums (mine and the kids!), potty training to first steps, naptime battles to freeze tag. I had always wanted this. I had it planned out a little differently, but thank goodness it didn't go according to my plan...this was WAY better!

Our first attempt at family movie night.

A Romantic Moment

About 7 years ago, before Scott and I were married, when we were looking at property to buy and houses to build that were well out of reach, we found ourselves dancing to A Love Song by Loggins and Messina, daydreaming about our kids that would one day look down from their rooms at their mommy and daddy dancing arm in arm, so completely in love. That song was supposed to be in our wedding, but Scott surprised me by singing a song he had written instead. I haven't heard that song in several years but it came on the playlist a few days ago. Our eyes met, we smiled lovingly as we met each other's embrace from across the room. Our bodies fell together just as they had years ago, dancing arm in arm to our song, only this time, instead of daydreaming of our kids watching us dance, we caught them from the corner of our eyes outside, Timothy and Mason shoving each other down the hill and Eli chasing them, in 20 degrees with no coat on. The romance stifled by our chuckles and my 'OMG, how did he get out without his coat?!'! Different than we expected, but still the dream!