How do we tell them?

Because our boys were so young when they came to us, and still were at the time of adoption, they have no memory of anything other than our family. No reason to believe they didn't "come from mommy's tummy". We knew it was something we wanted to be open with them about from the start, but we wanted them to be old enough to understand. After a while, it became clear we really had no idea how to break the ice, and no real good reason to tell them yet.

I would, however, tell them this bedtime story: "There was a mom and a dad who wanted a baby but weren't able. They prayed and prayed for God to bring them a baby and He did! It just didn't come from the mommy's tummy. The baby came from another family who couldn't take care of the baby and, since God's knows the beginning and the end, He knew this little boy would go to live with the mom and dad who couldn't have a baby, and they would be a family. And the mom and the dad and the baby were so happy and loved each other so much. They did not think they would be any happier. Then one day, there was a call for another baby boy. He was the new brother of the first little boy! The mom and the dad and the boy were SO happy and they loved the new baby so much and they were a family. They did not think they would be any happier."

And when I'd tell this story (I still tell it sometimes!), they would just smile and cuddle, and after hearing it a few times, they would say "and guess what happens next mom...".

"And then, one day, the mom and the dad found out that God decided it was time for them to have a baby...this time from the mommy's tummy! The mom and the dad and the two boys were so happy and could not wait to meet the new baby. When they found out it was going to be a boy, they were as happy as they could be. And they were a family."

The boys love this story and will say, 'tell us the story of the boys that came to the mom and dad'. We had hoped maybe the message was clear that this story matched our family. But, not so much. I realized this one day when Timothy said, "Mom, I was the first from your tummy like Elijah and had milk from you just like Elijah, and then Mason was second, and the Eli." Welllllll..... we hadn't really discussed how we were going to answer these questions when they came, so I just grinned and patted his head. After the next few times I told Scott, he's old enough and needs to start understanding the truth.

So, I told the story again, and told them how God puts families together in all kinds of ways and sometimes brings babies from the mommy's tummy and sometimes from someone else's tummy.
"Yeah mom, be we came from your tummy and I was first, then Mason and then Eli."

Oh boy.

So, we decided to wait for our adoption anniversary, when we celebrate Akinpalooza, and explain why this is such a special occasion for us.

A few nights before our December 19th date, just last month, while sitting at the dinner table, I said, "Boys, do you know why we are going out to the fire restaurant (what they call Kansai)? Do you know why we are celebrating?"

"No, why?"

"Because it's the day we adopted you." Blank stares... "Do you remember the story of the little boys that God brought to the mom and dad who couldn't have a baby, and then they had a baby too?"

"Yes."

"Do you know who that story is about?"

Timothy, with a half guessing, half light bulb expression, said, "Us? First me, then Mason was the baby and then Eli from your tummy?"

Newborn Elijah

Well, we knew it would take more than one conversation....in fact, both of us having been adopted by our dads, know full well, this is a topic that will be discussed many times in our home over the next many years as questions and emotions rise to the surface. So, I told the story again and he smiled and said, "Oh yeah. So this is Elijah, right?"

"That's right baby, but you were, and always will be, Mommy's first, the one that made me a mom. The one that God brought to us because we all needed each other, because we were meant to be a family, and because He knew what a great big brother you would be."

My Timothy

With a few snuggles he said, "Ok mom."

It's not easy, nor will it be perfectly smooth through the years, but in time, I hope they will all see, what makes a family, family, is not whose tummy you entered the world through... it's whom you choose to love.

The End of 2012's Year in Pics

Almost done with 2012. I mostly did this because I'm trying to write in chronological order and I can't write about the next part of the story yet. Guess I'm trying to kill a little time, but this really only stalled about two weeks which is no where near enough. So after this, I suppose I will just write (go figure) from our family moments that inspire me to do so, until I'm able to continue with the story. :)


October fun. Pumpkins, trick or treating, first hair cuts.....

"Cheese" my little Buzz Lightyear boys!

Carving our pumpkin....what a fun time that was! I can't stand the feel of the gooey insides, but Scott insisted Mommy help too. Thanks babe. I spared you the picture of my contorted look of disgust with my hand full of orange slime! :) And while I was making comments the entire time like, "Don't touch the knife!", "Don't throw seeds at your brother!", "Don't eat it!", and "That means any of you with the knife!", the boys had a blast and thought Daddy was the best face cutter ever.



My boys and I would take daily walks to the road for our mail while the weather was decent. They run a bit, throw rocks in the pond, pet the neighbors horse and today, Timothy played the part of Spider Man the length of our driveway and back home!

For Halloween this year (and every one since) my guys become, Spider Man, Captain America and Superman. And it's not just a costume that is interchangeable between brothers....they are these super heroes! And lucky for me, when they are 'in character', mommy becomes the princess in need of saving! This is a favorite for us all.

Our outside time is among our favorite pastimes so when the sun is out, we are too as long as we are able. This was such a beautiful fall day we let the boys sit outside for snack which we often did but they thought this set up was the best!

 My little Elijah at 14 months, getting his first haircut, much to his mother's dismay. I have to admit, daddy insisted on this one as "his hair is just getting too long and curly" and because I know this is a wound from his childhood with a red afro, I submitted. :) I love his glare as she gets a little close with those scissors!

November memories.... Our family as we were on this beautiful day. (Next time, don't face into the bright light!) Boys playing in the leaves.....and sobbing when we said it was time to go in. They asked if we could "please save the leaves" because it was SO much fun. Cookies, books, crafts and a trip home to Oklahoma.

That's a shadow by my finger....I'm not flipping the bird!

The boys had the very best time in the leaves! I have many I could share, but the shots of the three together are always my favorites. These boys... brothers through and through! And this of Elijah...oh my, I love it! Scott had been hunting during nap and was removing all his layers when Eli woke up. He came to the sun porch and had to try daddy's things on. Love the watch around the neck!

 Daddy teaching Timothy about the more important things in life....how to dunk an oreo. Indeed a valuable lesson!

Love this, the boys piled into Mason's toddler bed with a stack of books to read together. This is one of those times I'd love to keep them little, when they were all small enough to fit in such a small space and be kind to each other.

Timothy and his turkey hat!

And then, the trip to my home town in Oklahoma for Thanksgiving.

Sweet display of affection!

Julia, Onka Gang and Eli upon arriving to OK.



Love these mall carts!

Aunt Vickie (w Mason) bought the boys these fun
 hats that they still love today!

Still one of my favorite pictures of the boys.

Our TX people! Love!

 This was a special time home for my Gram who saw her sister, possibly, for the last time. Gram was 87 and had decided the long road trip, and being away from her KY home this long, was getting too hard on her. She said that this would be her last time to travel back home to OK, so their time together was infinitely more special. Watching them say their goodbyes, and taking "just one more picture", were very surreal moments. The knowing without saying, smiling through tears....I hope it was not their last time to see each other, but if it was, I'm thankful I was there. I have three sisters and there is many miles between us. While we are all young and healthy today, tomorrow is not a guarantee and not everyone gets to say goodbye. Each time we are together I'm reminded, just momentarily, of that moment between sisters, when my Gram whispered goodbye to her sister with a smile and a gentle hug.

Most of my Oklahoma family! Special times together.

December joy....dress up, bubble baths, Christmastime, adoption celebration, and lots of family time.



Fun boys!





Bath time!

Pinterest inspired craft...kids handprints
on an ornament. Love it!

Adoption celebration...1 year!

Christmas with the extended family.



Boys ganging up on daddy!



Love, love, love Eli looking up to
his big brother Timothy.

My handsome little men on Christmas Eve.

Family picture with Santa

And so the year ended and 2013 rolled right on in bringing familiar excitement, new joy, lots of loud, loads of love, laughs, tears, and the rest of the story! I promise to write about it as soon as I'm able!!

July-September of 12

Oh, this year was full of such sweetness! I have LOVED looking back at all the pictures that have captured this time of our lives. Video's of peek-a-boo with an infant Eli. Mason, drumming his plastic drum counting, "1, 2, 3, 4" as Eli dances to the beat. Timothy wanting to be big, but still so little as he heads in to a big school, or out to 'work' with Daddy. This is nearly 3 years ago, but I can remember as if it was yesterday! Makes me realize how quickly the time is flying and how I need to hold them more while I still can. To sing to them every night while they're young enough to want me to. To praise them, cheer them on, teach them, and play tag while I can still catch them.

"Julia, what do you want to be when you grow up?"  "I want to be a mom."

Here it is, and it won't last forever. Not like this. Not where they need you, where they are small enough to be held, and young enough to want that. Not where a hug and kiss can heal a hurt knee, or a nap can reset the day. Not where a juice box with lunch makes me a rockstar, but only 2 cookies makes me a 'mean mom'. These days, this season, these boys.....I don't want to rush any of it. I want to create with them, enjoy and explore the outdoors with them, dress them alike as long as they'll allow and snap a thousand pictures, so in 3, or 10, or 20 years, when I look back, I can remember the way they felt when I held them, the perfectly sweet smile on their faces, and the sound of their laughter. They are what God has called me to in this life. To love them. To raise these little men.

My goodness, that's huge. Some days I wonder if I'm up for the job. (Some days I know I'm not!) Daily I'm thankful perfection is not required of me, that God has chosen to use me in their lives, and that they love me. When I hear, "Mommy, yours my best friend", I think, maybe I'm doing ok.



July: The month I thought Pinterest would save my summer! I made sidewalk paint and a bubble blower with half a Gatorade bottle and thin washcloth....both successful, but might have been as far as I got on my list of fun activities for the boys! We also made our first trip to the Cincinnati Aquarium with our niece in tow to help herd boys. It was awesome....their looks of wonder made the drive totally worth it!



Watching sea life at the Newport aquarium.

Bead and shoelace necklaces



Elijah sneaking

dog door!!

out the



August: Elijah turned 1!!! This little man has been magic and miracles from the moment we found out he was with us! Now our boys are 1, 2 and 3. Every year they are consecutive for 1 month.

Happy Birthday baby!



Brothers



Daddy playing barn with Elijah

Timothy and Mason silliness!



Timothy heading in for school.

Silly Mason

Elijah finds a quiet place to read.

September: And Timothy turns 4!! The changes in him from his 1st birthday to his 4th were astounding! He requested a pink (homemade strawberry) cake with dinosaurs and a Christmas tree, along with a new orange bike. Had to be orange! He is so full of life at max volume, loves full force and is the best big brother (when he wants to be!).




Pink dinosaur cake...

Presents by the tree...

And a new orange bike!

From the baby carrier to the Walmart train cart!

Naptime diaper parade. LOVE!

Yee-haw!

Local 3k with the crew.

Oh my, what is it?!!

The wonder of a woolly worm!